I know it was rude to provoke this (I mean, you really have to be needy to ask to make a fool of yourself), but I'm a slut.
The Embarrassment/Psycho-Surgery Meme:
Question number 1: What are three of the stupidest things you've done in your life.
a) High School Health Class, my junior year. It was held in a theater, not a regular classroom, and on this occasion was being taught by the football coach, who could have doubled as a slim sumo wrestler - for him, not an oxymoron. For some reason he called me out and asked if I liked contact sports, and if I would be interested in football. Much mirth among my classmates. No one had ever asked me such a question before, directly, but looking back I believe it was a sincere and honest offer. I was pissed off from not knowing how to answer (and from years of never having been offered), so I said, "No," even as I knew I did so out of pique. Would have done me a lot of good to take him up on it, and to this day I thank him for his generosity. As a good friend said, many years later, "When the cookies are passed, take one; they may never be passed again."
I would add that even if I had gone with the experiment, and it had not turned out well - if I had made an ass of myself - it would still have flushed out any number of other insecurities and doubts that I continued to bear (and bore myself with) for a few years thereafter.
b) Taking to heart what a cabdriver said to me. Big mistake.
c) Falling for a glamour/Psycho - this was while I was coming out, and this gorgeous guy took me for a ride. Huge black Benz, clear demo of criminal behavior, therapeutic manner - marked for Danger head to toe, and manifestly unstable, but absolutely fascinating. Everyone I had ever known before was just normally fucked-up, not insane. It did not end well (tho it galloped on very quickly), and I lost a great deal, but I also wised up. Fucking closet - get out of it! You learn nothing in there.
Question number 2: At the current moment, who has the most influence on your life?
Question number 3: If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?
Dinner Party! - Socrates (a good listener), Ovid; Ben Jonson (allowing Will to take a nap for a change); Jane Austen (good manners, good eye and ear); Anthony Powell. This is not to pick brains, it's to have good company! And I don't think any of them had food allergies, or eschewed drink. There should be seven, so I could add two more women (I think Jane and Anthony might hit it off). Socrates can have his way with me. Pauline Kael would be great, I think.....
Question number 4: If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
a) Peace to my relatives
b) Health and long life to my friends
c) Regime change in the U.S.
Question number 5: Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
Regret Not Having:
a) A bigger, older, deeper, richer art museum - what is here is fine, just none of those things.
b) Less complacency
a) Clackamas Town Center - mall where Tonya Harding used to train - and environs.
b) Downtown Beaverton (if you can find it)
Question number 6: Name one event that has changed your life.
My friend Jeff walking into my office, looking for an apartment I had advertised.
Question number 7: Is not a question. It's a command. Tag five other people.
Command, eh? Who the hell are you? We'll think about this.....